


My First and Last

by verse2logy (myentropicmess), wordswithoutsense



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attraction, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Model Im Jaebum | JB, Model Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Modeling, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28814667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myentropicmess/pseuds/verse2logy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordswithoutsense/pseuds/wordswithoutsense
Summary: Jaebeom is one of the sexiest and well renowned models in South Korea, known for taking risks. Jinyoung is also a model with a classier but tempting style. More importantly, they are rivals. They have always worked hard to reach their individual goals. What they didn’t expect was to work together for a photoshoot with a particular concept. Who's going to be the angel? Who's going to be the demon? And... would the secrets of the past still haunt them?
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 96
Collections: JJP Big Bang





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, there! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ.
> 
> We're back! Last year when JJP did their photoshoots we got inspired to write this fic and it's finally here! We still can't believe it as it took us a lot of time to continue and finish it, but we did it and we think that our hard work paid off! We want to thank our beta reader Resi (@ResiRose11) for her advice and corrections, and Kimi (@fcded_day) for the amazing edits she did for our fic! We really love them! ❤ And big thanks to our mod, Leah, for her patience and hard work 😊
> 
> We hope you'll enjoy this fic as much as we did writing it! We appreciate your comments and kudos ❤

He bathed in light that enhanced his beauty. He was a natural—that was what everyone said. The void between the flashes was filled with his swift movements, a dance move connecting his poses. Everything was done in a flash. He had to shine like the light of a candle. Beautiful yet ephemeral. 

He wasn’t one of the top models of South Korea for nothing. 

He knew how to seduce the camera. Make the audience swoon with a few poses. Have the world at his feet with one half smile. 

He had reached a point in his career in which he could choose some of his endorsements and photoshoots. He was a trendsetter that took risks, experimenting with his own image. It wasn’t as if he didn’t receive criticisms for that, but he didn’t care. He had gotten to the top by being himself and he was proud of that. He could even afford branching into different areas. He was enjoying every second of it. He loved his job and he trusted his team. 

“Have you heard about Park Jinyoung’s next project, Jaebeom hyung? He will be part of the main cast in a new drama!” Jaebeom stopped himself from rolling his eyes. 

After they had wrapped up the photoshoot successfully, Jaebeom went directly to the green room. Sometimes, he went with some of his colleagues to have dinner and relax after a hard day of work. Bambam was more than a work acquaintance. 

Bambam was his stylist and also one of his best friends. Even though they were very different, they quickly clicked. Jaebeom remembered how he’d met him in one of his first shoots, when he had been just a rookie that still had a lot to learn. Bambam came into his life at the right moment, when he didn’t have enough connections. Jaebeom was also glad that Bambam was such an extrovert. He made life fun. He had broken the ice, had invited him to have coffee and the rest was history.

Both of them were in the green room, picking up their things before leaving. 

“Jinyoung hyung started with small roles. People thought that he got them because of his visuals, but now…” Bambam said. Why was he telling him that? Jaebeom huffed. “He’s really worked hard to prove them otherwise. He started out as a model, but now he’s branching out like you. And he’s really nice to work with too, you know? Well, you must-” 

While it was true that Jaebeom was one of the most requested supermodels, he couldn’t say that he had the top place assured. There had always been strong competition in the industry. He didn’t doubt his own talents and experience, but he knew that he shouldn’t relax. If you closed your eyes, you lost. Above all, when there were people like _him_.

His **rival**.

“Why are you telling me this?” Jaebeom asked, trying to look as if he wasn’t interested. 

“Don’t you know?” Jaebeom squinted his eyes. He was completely clueless. “Oh, you really don’t know.” Bambam smiled, smug. 

“About what?” 

“It hasn’t been revealed yet, but the articles may be coming out soon...” Bambam looked around. They were completely alone. “You’ve been chosen to participate in a project. It’s a big thing.”

“What project?”

“I’ve been told that it’s an ambitious project… A competition between photographers,” Bambam replied. “I’ll be in charge of the styling and make-up, and I’m still thinking about the concepts, but the most important thing is that you’re working with **the** Park Jinyoung.”

His worst nightmare came true. 

This couldn’t be possible. 

Jaebeom turned white as a sheet of paper. 

“Aren’t you excited, man?” Bambam gave a friendly pat on his back. “This must be the most ambitious crossover since the Avengers!” He moved his hands as if he was about to announce something. “ **The** Lim Jaebeom and **the** Park Jinyoung… Both of them in the same photoshoot! This will be epic! This feels like you two are making a come-”

“Yah, Bam!” Jaebeom complained. He didn’t want to think about that. It was far in there, locked up in his subconscious, thank you very much. “You’re enjoying this way too much!” 

“Of course, man!” Bambam said. “I know what your concept is. Risky. Savage. Feline. That’s what people say... Maybe it’s time for something riskier, more experimental. Something only you can do. Do you trust me?”

“Of course, but…”

“Shh!” Bambam put a finger on his lips. “Then it’s a deal. Let’s get this bread! Skrrt skrrt!”

Bambam knew he would never turn down such a good offer. 

Jaebeom knew it too. 

He was going to see Park Jinyoung after so much time. After everything. 

_Holy shit._

***

Days had passed pretty quick when Jaebeom finally realized _it_ was happening. He looked at the mirror, his nervous eyes returning the gaze reflected on the thin glass. He had changed since the last time they had seen each other. His hair was longer at shoulder length, he had a nose piercing and an anti-eyebrow one, and felt more comfortable than ever with his own self. 

Jinyoung, however, was still the same. He had the same perfect, brown hair. Beautiful eyes and plump lips. His warm smile... His healthy and muscular body... 

_Shit, Jaebeom_.

Jaebeom closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his sudden anxiety. Then, he opened them, looked at the mirror once again and tried to rearrange his black shirt. His hands almost trembled with anticipation. 

What would Jaebeom say to him? What would Park Jinyoung answer? Who would talk first?

Jaebeom shook his head and passed his fingers through his long, stylish hair. Bambam had made an excellent job with the concept, the outfit and even the make-up. Jaebeom had to admit he looked like a fallen angel… And he liked it. A lot. He felt sexy…

And nervous, again, as soon as the door opened.

"Hey, Bambam, you did an amazing job with this concept…"

His eyes met those of the person who had entered the room. 

A person that wasn't Bambam, as Jaebeom had expected.

It was _him_.

"Hyung," he said.

His voice melted Jaebeom's icy insides in the blink of an eye. He looked Jaebeom in the eye through the mirror, his little, warm smile starting to show on his lips. 

"Jinyoung," Jaebeom murmured, trying to act normal. "How have you been?"

But he didn't move. He couldn't do anything, not to even tear his eyes away from him. Jinyoung was dressed in a white suit with a black shirt. His hair was styled carefully to caress his forehead and temples, making him look like an angel. He was perfect.

 _As always_.

"Fine. It's been a while." Jinyoung closed the door behind him and put his hands inside his trousers' pockets. “And you… look good. Those piercings suit you pretty well.”

He approached Jaebeom and leaned against the table, his back reflecting in the mirror. His hands were making the fabric tighten on his thighs. 

"Thanks....” he said, as if Jinyong’s presence wasn’t making him feel uneasy. “You're successful now," Jaebeom tried to tease him.

"Says who, one of the most wanted models in South Korea?" Jinyoung smiled, ironically. Jaebeom couldn't do anything but withdraw from the table and fix his eyes on the other man.

He was still the same person he'd met long ago, but now he was an all grown up, handsome man.

Also a sexy one.

"Excuse me, actor Park." Jaebeom smiled. He was still tense, nervous, but the gesture came to him as natural as breathing. As if nothing had changed between them, even though they really had. "You better prepare yourself."

"Hyung… let's see who wins. I wonder if the angel…" He pointed to himself and approached Jaebeom, leaving him almost breathless when he put his finger on the silver choker he was wearing. His intense eyes never left Jaebeom's. "Or the devil." 

Jaebeom gulped under Jinyoung's gaze, his brown eyes revealing the secrets of his body just by glancing at his black clothes and the bare chest skin his shirt was showing. 

Jinyoung knew Jaebeom felt naked, but acted as if his hyung's heart wasn't beating as fast as a rollercoaster.

As if his own heart wasn’t a Ferrari with no speed limitations.

He liked that sensation, though. Almost as if he was taking control over his _hyung_.

Suddenly, he fixed Jaebeom's choker, stopped looking and let him go.

"You're really handsome in that outfit." He turned and walked to the door, but before stepping out, Jinyoung turned to smile at Jaebeom once again. "I've listened to your last song… I really loved it. I…" He remained silent for a few seconds, and then nodded when he finally found the courage to say the words he wanted to say. "I've missed your music. And you."

Jaebeom couldn't react. Jinyoung had left before he could open his mouth.

"Me too… me too, Jinyoung," he whispered.

They were rivals. Jinyoung was his nightmare.

But sometimes… he could be a dream, too. A dream that would never turn out to be true…

_Right?_

***

The same scenery, yet two different models, two different photographers. Each one had their own ideas on how to create perfect results for the perfect concept. Angels and demons. Bambam was well known for his sometimes outrageous ideas, but this time he had surprised everyone with something pretty simple. It was mysterious and exciting. Sexy and provocative. Something riskier, he had said to Jaebeom. And it was riskier, in fact, since his friend had never done such a photoshoot.

Not that he wasn't nailing it. Bambam always knew how to bring out the best of him. 

Jaebeom had been the first. His poses were natural, as if he was born to be in front of a camera. The last one, however, left everyone speechless. Slightly tilted forward, with his right hand on his neck and the other inside one of the pockets of his black trousers, he felt the need to make a dangerous, little smile to complete the scene. His hair fell across his face, mischievous strands caressing his skin in an ethereal way, sliding by his mouth to emphasize its outline.

He was a demon, and demons' smiles were captivating, weren't they? Just a bit. He wanted to create the perfect image of a provocative demon, of someone hazardous who attracted you no matter what. You couldn't avoid his gaze, which seemed to know your body and soul, and his smile made its way to your banal, human core.

He had done it. Everyone there was amazed by his talent. The pictures were going to be perfect.

But he wasn’t satisfied. 

Bending forward just a bit more, his bare chest could be seen. The black shirt opened just as necessary as to insinuate the shape of his abs. The pose was devilishly sexy, and even the photographer had to contain a gasp when he finally realized what the model was doing. With his hand on his nape, Jaebeom bit his lower lip and everything exploded. He smiled eerily.

The flash wouldn’t stop. 

Jaebeom didn't know that Jinyoung was impressed. The actor inside him wouldn't let him see it. However, his heart was shaking. He felt it beating hard, and he bit his lower lip trying to focus.

_Oh, hyung. How could you do this?_

Jinyoung’s lips moved into a tiny smile. 

The image of Jaebeom pulling his silver choker down with an elegant move of his finger was carved in his mind. After not seeing him in such a long time, a single shot of Jaebeom was intoxicating. He felt a door unlocking the ghosts from the past, the feelings that he had almost forgotten. They felt like an afterthought. 

Jinyoung sighed. 

_That belongs to the past._

“Good job, Jaebeom,” Jinyoung heard the photographer say and Jaebeom bowed in response. 

Of course it would be like that. Even if they hadn’t seen each other in a while, that didn’t mean that Jinyoung hadn’t seen his work before. Jaebeom was everywhere these days. He was a trendsetter, popular because of his experimental and risky moves. 

The competition would be fierce, but Jinyoung wouldn’t give up easily. 

Suddenly, a touch on his shoulder. A touch of reality. 

“Your turn, Jinyoung-ssi.” Jaebeom was there, a hand on his shoulder and a teasing smile on his lips. 

Jaebeom had really changed since the last time they’d seen each other. In the past, Jaebeom would hide behind his mask of coolness, but Jinyoung knew he lacked confidence. They had been raw, a ticking bomb about to blast anytime in their teenage years. The tension between them had been dynamite. Destructive. Their different personalities clashed more than once. 

_They had been too young._

The pressure and responsibility was put on their shoulders at a really young age, when they were still figuring themselves out. When they were still a tornado of hormones, stress, wrong choices and…

_Yeah, they had been too young. The past is the past._

But now Jaebeom shone with mature confidence. He was unrecognizable. The change was unavoidable as they went down different roads with different experiences molding them. Time had turned them into strangers. 

The fire of competitiveness was still there, though. That hadn’t changed, nor the ambition and passion they had always shown. 

Jinyoung smiled. 

“I may be an angel, but I won’t go easy on you. I will win this,” Jinyoung said as he was unbuttoning his immaculate jacket. 

_Let there be light._

Jaebeom almost choked with his own saliva.

When Jinyoung opened his jacket, he saw Heaven. 

Or hell. 

_Oh, well, Jaebeom… Who cares._

He got a full view of Jinyoung’s torso. The semi transparent shirt left little to imagination. Jaebeom couldn’t get his eyes off Jinyoung’s defined chest and sculpted abs. He was fit. He was really fit. He looked like a sculpture. Jaebeom had to stop himself from drooling. 

Jinyoung had really changed. 

Jaebeom felt in a haze. 

_… and there was light._

Jaebeom had heard what people said about Jinyoung. As a model, he was the complete opposite. Yin and yang. Jinyoung had never taken big risks like him. He was surprised that Jinyoung would accept wearing revealing clothes, like the shirt that sinked into the lines of Jinyoung’s muscles. Jinyoung wasn’t like that. Well, Jaebeom had thought that he wasn’t like that. Or at least it was the fading memory he had of him. 

Jinyoung’s style was minimalistic and classic, but that didn’t mean that he was boring. There was something about him that pulled everyone in like a magnet. His charisma and, above all…

_His gaze._

“His eyes tell stories.” 

That was what people said. A look able to pierce your heart, move the audience, provoke feelings and sensations. A look that had opened so many doors, including acting. 

Jinyoung’s moves were simple, but they flowed with the beat of the music that was being played in the studio. He was a dancer. Well… He had been a talented dancer… Jaebeom wasn’t sure if he was one now. 

He had just realized…

He didn’t know him at all. 

In a swift move, Jinyoung sat down on the set and water poured down. Jaebeom saw it in slow motion, how he wet his hair with the water. Neatly. 

Jinyoung ran his fingers through his hair, droplets of water running down his skin. His eyes were focusing on the camera, radiating innocence and… something more. He was embodying the angel he had to portray, as if he was in one of his dramas, and adding a twist to his interpretation. An innocent angel that could be tempted. Adding some spice and depth to his character. 

Jinyoung slowly got on his knees, bending forward to lay his head on his extended arm. The hem of Jinyoung’s jacket moved along with him, and Jaebeom could see his white trousers tightening around his plump ass. The icing on the cake was how he looked to the camera: innocent, but seductive. 

“Wow! So handsome!” the photographer said. 

Jinyoung flowed like water. Infinite. Pose after pose, Jaebeom could feel his heart fluttering. In the back of his mind, Jaebeom started to worry about the outcome of the competition. Had he been enough? Did he go all out? Jinyoung was being merciless. He had foreseen that, but nothing could prepare him for what came next. 

Jinyoung touched his plump lips. 

Jaebeom was feeling weak. 

_Okay… Focus, Jaebeom._

“Perfect! Such a nice session!” the photographer said.

However, it hadn’t ended. The other photographer had an idea. An irresistible one. 

Who would say _no_ to taking pictures of both of the most desired models in South Korea… together? 

That would be priceless. 

That was why, when the proposition was finally verbalized, no one could say no. Not even Jaebeom, or Jinyoung. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 

“The hype is going to be sooooooo big!” Bambam exclaimed from behind the cameras. 

In front of the white background, they looked at each other. If he weren’t professional enough, Jaebeom would be sweating out of nervousness. Jinyoung, with his lips ajar, approached him, and then smiled. 

“Do you think you have something to teach me about modeling… hyung?”

That was the trigger. 

The ship had sailed. 

And they started doing their _job_. 

_I have so much to show you._

There was no need for them to touch each other. The tension hung in the air. Their bodies approached and moved away, as if they were born to be there in that very exact moment, together, struggling into an invisible fight. The aura surrounding then was ethereal, and everyone there could swear they were exactly what they were supposed to portray: two angels, one from Heaven and a fallen one, fighting against an invisible fire, consumed by their rivalry. The purity and the sinner. Innocence and incitement. 

Jaebeom, behind Jinyoung, let his hand slide first over his left shoulder, then over his chest. He caressed the smooth fabric of the jacket, the thin shirt, and felt Jinyoung’s muscles pressing against his hand. His head was really close to Jinyoung’s right ear, and he couldn’t do anything but divert his sight to look at his perfect profile. 

The flash.

It was an amazing picture. Jinyoung radiated innocence, while Jaebeom seemed about to convince him to sin. 

But the pose changed quite quickly, though. There was no time to lose. 

This time, it was Jinyoung who was slightly behind Jaebeom. His left arm was over his shoulders, but he had raised his hand, putting it in front of the left part of Jaebeom's face. Even though Jinyoung was glaring directly into the camera, he also seemed to be whispering something right into Jaebeom's ear. Jaebeom, with his eyes ajar, as well as his lips, appeared to be losing his diabolic side. 

He was a demon about to be purified. 

And then, as fast as a whispering breeze, they separated and stared at each other. Jinyoung, at the left side of the camera, and Jaebeom, at the right side. It was magical to see them like that, as if they were dancing with each other and, at the same time, with powerful and invisible creatures. They were delicate, precise in their movements, and both their defiant eyes were promising the loss of the other in the battle between good and evil.

It was the calm before the storm. 

Jinyoung raised his left hand. He caught one of Jaebeom's strands and put it behind his ear. The gesture was intimate, yet natural, as if the angel was telling the demon that everything was okay. That it was okay to feel, to have regrets, to doubt. That he could come back if he wanted to. Jinyoung's little smile was warm, welcoming. It was a beam of hope in the middle of the darkness.

But the light disappeared just as quickly as a blue sky behind stormy clouds. 

If Jaebeom had shivered, no one had noticed. Not even Jinyoung, despite being the one touching him.

Jaebeom, with a calm, serious visage, raised his left hand, and his forefinger almost touched Jinyoung's plump lips. Demons liked the color red, and those lips were exactly that color. They were a fire in the middle of a cold, snowy night. They were as tempting as the devil's words. They were made to sin. Jaebeom never touched them, but it looked as if he was silencing the angel. He didn't want to hear: all he wanted was to remain free, to let himself be trapped into a mischievous passion. 

He wanted to be out of Heaven. He wanted to catch the angel and make him fall with him into the unknown. 

Their eyes met under the flashlights.

Would the storm have lasted?

They would never know.

A round of applause caught them by surprise, and they separated as if a switch had been turned off. They weren’t an angel and a devil anymore. They were just Jaebeom and Jinyoung, both thanking the team for their hard work and avoiding looking at each other.

They had felt it.

The storm inside their hearts had been about to burst.

Right there.

In front of everyone.

"What amazing acting, both of you!" Bambam exclaimed. "I felt the tension in my very core. Oh, god, I can still feel my hair standing on end!"

The spell vanished into the thin air, but the tension was still there, haunting Jaebeom. Everything went in a flash, like a dream. The rest of the team flowed into a river of “congratulations” and good remarks for the models, the stylist and photographers.

_There would probably be articles about this real soon._

Jaebeom ran out of adrenaline. 

_The general public wouldn’t stop talking about this._

He was overwhelmed and needed some rest.

_People hadn’t forgotten about them, even though their start had been a complete failure._

He went to the green room to change his clothes. Even if he really loved his job, he needed his alone time. He needed to recharge on his own as the good introvert he was. 

However, despite his battery being completely drained, he couldn’t stop his mind from thinking about what had happened during the photoshoot.

What was that?

_Well… Jinyoung happened._

_The past was coming back to kick you in the ass for being a fool._

Jaebeom shook his head and put on his sweatshirt. No… That happened a long time ago. He didn’t know who he was at that time. He didn’t know what he _wanted_. He had been “Lim Rage”, a sun that burnt whoever wanted to touch him. Cool on the outside, but a scared kid on the inside. Someone that felt too much. 

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door, startling him. 

“Yes?” he asked. 

“Hyung?” Jaebeom heard Jinyoung’s voice on the other side of the door. His heart started to flutter. At that moment, he was just a teenager in front of his first love. What was happening to him?

“Yes?” Jaebeom asked. 

“Can I come in?” 

How could Jaebeom say no? Jinyoung… Jinyoung was still his dongsaeng. His maknae. Someone he had failed to take care of. 

“Yes, of course…” 

The first thing Jaebeom noticed when Jinyoung entered, was that he had already changed his clothes. Jinyoung was wearing a pair of trousers and an oversize blue jumper that concealed his fit upper body. He looked cute. Those clothes reminded him of the Jinyoung he had known during his trainee days, the one that would conceal his thin body with long-sleeves and oversize clothes. Jaebeom felt nostalgic. 

_Their debut… and their failure._

“Oh… so…” Jinyoung moved his finger around the place where his piercings were. “Your piercings weren’t fake?”

Jaebeom opened and closed his mouth. What a way to start the first time they were together in a long time. He was speechless. 

“Hmm… Yeah…”

“Yah… Classic savage Lim Jaebeom… You really went all out.” Jinyoung smiled. 

“As if you made things easy for me…” Jaebeom said, and crossed his arms. “Transparent shirts? Since when…?”

Jinyoung touched one of his ears. “He still does that,” Jaebeom thought. He remembered how Jinyoung used to do that every time he got embarrassed. Something he had always found cute.

_Some things hadn't changed._

“Bammie told me that it would be a good idea to try something new for the photoshoot… I was competing with **the** Lim Jaebeom, no less!” 

“You know Bambam?” Jaebeom asked. 

“Oh, yes! He has been my stylist for…” Jinyoung put a finger on his plump lips. “Maybe four? Five years?”

“Oh…” 

“What happened?”

“Funny… I’ve been working with Bam for a while, as well…” Jaebeom got spooked. What were the odds of them having the same stylist? Bambam was one of the top stylists out there and, nowadays, he only worked with top models, but there were some other good stylists. Was it destiny? That reminded him of their first encounter, when they got paired up for their first company’s audition. What had been the possibility of them being beside one another in their first audition, receiving consecutive numbers, getting paired up and then, in the end, being the first contestants that would win as a duo? Very slim. 

What had been the possibility of both of them debuting together and, after a while, failing to keep their path? Remembering the past always brought up their defeat. The pain. Long nights full of tears. The suffering. The feeling of having failed each other. 

Jaebeom, broken inside, because he had failed as a leader, as a friend… and as something else. Something he had always wanted, but hadn’t known how to manage. 

They were young. They didn’t know. 

It was so sad to know it now, when the chances were out of stock. So heartbreaking, even if they had followed their own paths and had succeeded as a model and an alternative singer, in Jaebeom’s case, and as a model and an actor, in Jinyoung’s.

“Yeah… It’s such a coincidence, hyung!” 

The conversation died in the tense atmosphere between them. Why was he there? Jaebeom wanted to know. He couldn’t stay still. 

“Why did you come here?” Jaebeom asked. He wished he didn’t sound too harsh. Too cool. He didn’t want to waste that bit of extra time they had. 

“Oh, right! The organizers wanted us to post a selca to create a little bit of buzz around the photoshoot… You left, so… They told me to say that…”

“Oh, you post selcas now?” Jaebeom teased him. “I read that your fans kinda know you for your aversion to social media.”

“Only for work…” Jinyoung replied. “And special occasions. This time is both.”

_Oh…_

“So…?”

“Yeah…” Jaebeom took his phone out of his pocket and stood up beside him. How the hell had it been so easy for him to get close during the photoshoot? Why was, at that moment, the atmosphere so awfully tense? A transparent wall between them, making it difficult for Jaebeom to get closer. 

“Hmmm… Hyung?” Jinyoung asked, his warm chocolate eyes piercing him. 

“Yes?”

“You have to get closer to get in the picture…” 

_He touched his ear. Again._

“Oh, right…”

Jaebeom got closer, moving beyond the wall of glass. Easy, right? They would only take a picture. There wasn’t any need to overthink it. He just had to go with the flow. 

_Don’t think._

_Just one more step._

When their bodies collided, Jaebeom couldn't help but get tense. He felt stiff as a board, his muscles were completely petrified. Hot and cold. He felt frozen but, at the same time, he felt their shoulders and arms burning in the place they were touching.

_Don’t think._

They quickly took their selcas with their phones. Jaebeom suddenly was an idol again, schedule after schedule, working hard to keep their fans and interacting with them during their ephemeral given time. Jinyoung and Jaebeom. Jr. and JB. If he didn’t have Jinyoung in front of him, Jaebeom would have thought that his life as an idol had been a fever dream. 

Jinyoung gave back his phone, his hand lingering between them. Jaebeom moved his hand towards his phone, feeling an electric spark when they touched slightly. With trembling fingers, Jaebeom put his phone in the back pocket of his jeans.

The tense atmosphere was suffocating. Jaebeom felt as if he was moving in slow motion, as if he was a main character in a drama waiting for a plot twist to happen. What could happen, though? Nothing. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. 

When Jaebeom moved his head upwards, his breath hitched. Their faces were separated just by a few centimeters, Jinyoung’s breath caressing his skin. If only… 

_If only…_

Suddenly, Jaebeom was in the dorm again with Jinyoung. Just two teenagers trying to get their shit together. Sitting on their coach, the sound of the drama playing on their tv in the background. The rest of the city was probably asleep, as they had been practicing for their comeback until late. That was how it was with the life they had chosen.

They were starting to get uneasy those days, as the comeback date got postponed again and again. “When will you make a comeback?” they had been asked over and over again. “Soon. Real soon.” That was the only thing Jaebeom could say. What else could he say? He didn’t even know. 

But he had to keep smiling not only for their fans, but also for their family and friends. Not only for them. Despite their fights, Jaebeom was responsible for taking care of his maknae. He had to smile for him, reassure him. 

Comeback wasn’t the only thing that worried Jaebeom. 

Even if they were criticized over and over again over their lack of chemistry, Jaebeom felt as if something had changed between the two of them. Something minimal. A speck of dust that could be only perceived from the corner of the eye, that became something more. Something he wasn’t even sure what it was. 

Jinyoung had always been clingy. He had told him over and over again how much he had admired him and how thankful he was for taking care of him. Jaebeom had been even annoyed with that at first. He had lost count of how many times they had argued over that. “Yah, Jinyoung, give me some space,” he would say when Jinyoung would start some skinship or become too needy. 

Something had changed, though. It was as if they had started to gravitate one towards the other. Jaebeom could find himself touching Jinyoung’s thigh when they would talk about their comeback, or letting Jinyoung rest his head on his legs and not flinching about it. It came naturally. 

He could even tell that something shifted between them even more. The way his body reactions had changed. Moments in which Jinyoung would hug him and he could notice how his heart would beat faster. How Jaebeom would check him out, noticing how Jinyoung had gotten more fit as the fabric of the shirt stuck to the lines of his muscles. 

_Could it be…?_

_No… That couldn’t be possible._

“Hyung?” Jinyoung asked, covering his knee with his hand. The skin burnt under the touch. “Did PD-nim say something about the comeback schedule?”

“I’m sure it’ll be soon. We’re practicing for that, right?”

“Right…” 

Just as in the present, their faces were close. Too close. Their noses almost touched and Jinyoung’s breath was caressing his lips. Jaebeom was lost in the warm chocolate that flowed in Jinyoung’s youthful eyes. He wondered… What would happen if he would move a little and…

_No…_

“Hyung?” Jinyoung’s plump lips moved. It could be so easy…

“Hmm?”

“I want to tell you something… But I don’t know if you’ll get mad…” Jinyoung touched his ear. He was flustered. 

“I won’t get mad, Jinyoungie. I’ve been working on my temper, right? Lim Rage is in the past!” Jinyoung smiled. He was so cute.

“I know. I know that you’ve been lying to reassure me.” Jaebeom was going to interrupt him, but Jinyoung touched his shoulder and tightened his hold slightly. “And it’s okay… I’m not mad. I just wanted to tell you that you can share your weight with me. I won’t break.”

“Jinyoungie…”

“Let me finish…” Jaebeom nodded. “I know that the postponement isn’t a good sign and that you’ve been worrying about that. Who knows what our future will be. One small mistake can ruin an idol’s career.” Jinyoung chuckled nervously. “That’s why I’ve been thinking that I want to live from now on without any regrets. Whatever happens. That’s the most important thing…” 

“Okay…” Jaebeom was confused. Why was he telling him that?

“I haven’t finished…” Jinyoung looked down as if he was trying to come up with the right words. “That’s why… I need to tell you this…” He sighed and looked at him. He was clearly nervous. “I’m sure you’ve already figured it out, but… I like boys. I haven’t always known, but… Now I know, and that’s what matters. I know how difficult it will be if I want to keep walking this path, but… I needed to get it off my chest, at least… To be honest with one of the people I care the most about.” 

A camouflaged truth Jaebeom hadn’t paid attention to. He may have thought about it at a certain point, but he had thought that Jinyoung’s clinginess was something that came with being the youngest one. A personality trait. 

Everything made sense. 

“It’s ok, Jinyoung.” Jaebeom touched Jinyoung’s arm, caressing it. Telling him that he accepted him. “This doesn’t change anything.”

“That isn’t all… Do you know how I found out?” There was a glint of insecurity. Maybe fear. Why? Didn’t he trust him enough? “You.” Jaebeom’s heart was about to flee from his chest. He still didn’t know what to say. “I like you, hyung.”

“I…” Jaebeom gulped. He wasn’t ready. He still didn’t know… 

_“I’m sorry, Jinyoung… I don’t feel the same… I only see you as a friend.”_

Jaebeom had always wondered why they hadn’t talked to each other after the disbandment. Maybe they had been too busy to get in touch, or perhaps seeing each other would open past wounds that were still healing. 

At that moment, in which they were in a parallel situation, Jaebeom realized that the confession was what had changed everything. The confession and, above all, his reaction. Even before the disbandment, nothing had been the same. Jaebeom didn’t know how to act around him.

No matter how many times he had tried to convince himself, in the end, he had to admit he was wrong. He liked men and, more importantly, he had felt attracted to Jinyoung. 

_Not that it mattered at this point._

“It’s been a while, right?” Jinyoung asked, putting his phone in the back pocket of his jeans. 

“Yes…” Jaebeom nodded. 

“I kinda miss it… Being an idol…”

“Why didn’t you try to debut with another label? You had fans, you were good at dancing and performing. You could be an all-round idol by now.”

“Nah… It wouldn’t work…” 

“Why?” Jaebeom was confused. What could be the reason? 

“It wouldn’t make sense being one without you.”

_Oh..._

They looked each other in the eye, sincerity flowing between them. Realization. 

For Jaebeom, it had been the same. 

Their eyes couldn’t part ways, but Jinyoung managed to lower his. He glanced at Jaebeom’s lips. 

Oh, how he had wanted, in the past, to kiss him. 

How madly he wanted to do it right now. 

Jaebeom understood. This time, he wouldn’t waste his chance. How could he?

He stepped forward. 

Jinyoung bit his lower lip. His feelings hadn’t changed. It had always been him. Lim Jaebeom. 

No one else. 

Jaebeom tried to close the distance between their lips. Now or never. 

“I’ve missed you… hyung…” Jinyoung whispered. 

“Me…” Jaebeom murmured, feeling his throat burning. He wished he had known it before. He wished he could change the past. “Me too…”

But they never got to kiss. They moved away, faster than the wind, as they heard the door opening. Their blushing cheeks were burning. Their hearts, racing non stop, were hurting. 

“Hey, guys! So you were here!” Bambam said, not realizing what was happening between them. “Come on! The staff brought some snacks and even champagne. We have to celebrate this success!”

Oh, how they wished time would have stopped right there, in the green room, without any interruptions. With their feelings finally exposed. With their wish of sharing the same love they didn’t know had always been there, lying between the lines of destiny. Between them. 

In their red, destiny thread.


	2. Chapter 2

The snacks were pretty good. Jaebeom had tried different things and yes, they all tasted like Heaven. But anytime he thought about that, only one thing came to his mind. 

_Jinyoung._

He wouldn’t stop thinking about him, looking for him in the room. Anytime he saw Jinyoung, he felt shivers down his spine. Sometimes, he was smiling. Others, he was serious, having what seemed to be important conversations. Occasionally, their eyes met. Those were the moments Jaebeom would treasure the most from that night. 

Or so he thought. 

Jaebeom had lost sight of Jinyoung a few minutes ago, and he couldn’t find him in the middle of the crowd. It was about time to head back home and he had thought, innocently, that saying goodbye would be a good thing. He was sure they weren’t going to meet anytime soon, especially since it had taken years for them to be finally reunited. But there was something bothering him. The feelings, the shared looks, their need… Jaebeom was certain. It hadn’t been a dream, nor an illusion, right? It had been real. He hadn’t imagined any of that.

He wanted Jinyoung so much. After all those years of knowing, after rejecting him at the beginning because of his ignorance, he couldn’t believe that Jinyoung hadn’t gotten over him. He must be delusional, looking for things that didn’t exist out of his deepest desires. It must be Jinyoung, appearing as if nothing had happened, acting as if they had never been apart. 

Making Jaebeom want to kiss him. 

He closed his eyes just for a second. He needed fresh air. He needed to go back home, to his lonely bedroom, to process everything that happened, to put his thoughts in order. To calm down his emotions, his broken heart… 

“Are you seriously drinking juice?”

_There it was, all his confidence going down the toilet._

Jaebeom smiled just a bit. Jinyoung’s voice was ethereal, deep, low… He could have recognized it anywhere, anytime. There was no need to see his face. It was unique. Special. 

“I brought my car today,” he answered, turning to look at him. 

Jinyoung was smiling, too, the gesture calm and his body posture relaxed. He had a glass of champagne in his hands and, without tearing his eyes away from Jaebeom’s, he took a sip. It was innocent, natural, something anyone would do in that kind of situation. However, Jaebeom felt attacked. 

He was his prey, and was feeling inevitably chased. 

If there was a time when he had doubted, he knew for certain he had lied to himself. 

He had been attracted to Jinyoung in the past… and was still attracted to him in the present. No matter how many years had passed, how many things they had experienced. It all came back to Jinyoung, in the end. To the friendship he thought he had lost. To the person he had loved without knowing. 

To the person in front of him, who he still wanted to love. 

“Were you going to leave without saying goodbye to me?” Jinyoung said, his eyes traveling over the room. 

Jaebeom, who was drinking some juice, almost choked. The other, worried, patted his back in order to help him. 

He was just a little pale. 

“Why… would you say that?”

“It was a joke, hyung.” Jinyoung left his empty glass on one table and looked at Jaebeom. “I saw you. You… seemed to be deciding when to leave. Just like the past, when you wanted to get out of some fancy party.”

Despite everything, Jinyoung still knew him better than he thought. Jaebeom looked at him and sighed. 

“Yeah, I was going to leave. I don’t have a schedule tomorrow, but I would enjoy some rest.”

He rested his back against the wall, aware of him needing something to lean on, and glanced at the people still talking, drinking and eating in the room. Jinyoung, by his side, decided that it was a good idea and did the same. 

He was extremely close. Too close. Too much. Just millimeters away from touching each other's arm. 

“I came with my manager, but I told him to leave. I was thinking about calling a taxi…”

“Do you mean that you want me to drive you home?”

Words escaped from Jaebeom’s mouth without letting him consider their weight. He had talked without thinking. It was supposed to be a joke, but it had sounded pretty serious. What if Jinyoung thought of something inappropriate? Had he sounded eager to obtain a positive response? What if Jinyoung laughed at him? There were a lot of “what ifs”, but Jaebeom didn’t have the time, or place to ponder them all. He was freaking out. He was a shaky flan. 

Jinyoung looked at him, his eyes opened in surprise. Was Jaebeom reddening? What?

He was astonished, unbelieving what his eyes were seeing. Jaebeom had been the kind of person who could control his feelings, his emotions and his behaviour pretty well. He never made a mistake. He was the type of person who would measure each of his words to avoid creating confusion, too—at least it was impossible for him to do so. However, in this case, it seemed as though the words had escaped from his mouth without any control. He recognized that shocked look, and he had even seen Jaebeom’s body trembling slightly after realizing what he had said. He was sincere. He hadn't meant to say it, but he had done it anyway because it was what he felt. What he wanted. A joke or not, it had a bit of truth.

It had, right?

From the moment their eyes had met that day, Jinyoung knew something had really changed between them. He was still the same person, the same Park Jinyoung, and Jaebeom was exactly the same guy he had liked in his teenage days, despite their growth. He had thought of him during all those years of being apart, following different paths and searching for the kind of success they wanted. They had fought hard, and Jinyoung always had a guilty pleasure: day by day, he watched every shoot Jaebeom had, he saw all the magazines, he listened to all of his songs… He was his fan. The number one. 

Even if Jaebeom didn’t know. 

What he hadn’t expected was for Jaebeom to react to his gentle flirting. He hadn’t wanted to make it obvious, but seeing Jaebeom all dressed in black, with that amazing look and his piercings, had driven him crazy. He wanted to touch him. He needed to have him. What a shame he couldn’t… right? That was what he thought before analyzing Jaebeom’s reactions. His nervousness. His words. His behavior. That wasn’t the confident Jaebeom from the present.

This was the edgy Jaebeom he had seen years before, whenever he had found someone attractive to him. 

Was he playing games with Jinyoung’s heart? Was Jinyoung misunderstanding his body language? It had to be the last option…

But…

No. It couldn’t be. 

“Are you… joking, hyung?” Jinyoung asked, thoughtful. 

A few seconds of silence. 

Jaebeom gulped. He tore his eyes away from Jinyoung.

“No,” he murmured, his cheeks red and eyes dark as black diamonds. 

They shone with little sparks of… longing?

Jinyoung knew how to interpret flirty signs. Aware of it or not, Jaebeom’s body was screaming out loud that he wanted Jinyoung. 

He could read it in his eyes. In the way his lips dried with need. In the way Jaebeom had approached him before, at the green room, saying that he had missed him. 

If that wasn’t what he thought it was… he had already lost. And he didn’t even care. 

“Drive me home,” Jinyoung whispered. No one was closer. No one was listening. He looked up into Jaebeom’s eyes, desire flowing from his irises. Then, another low murmur. “But not mine. Take me to yours.”

Time froze for a while between them. Jaebeom couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Jinyoung couldn’t believe he had said it.

Jaebeom was shaking when his arm rubbed against Jinyoung’s. 

Jinyoung felt the world turning into a bright rainbow after noticing Jaebeom’s nervousness. 

There it was. 

Their attraction. 

Jaebeom knew. 

Jinyoung discovered, finally, that Jaebeom felt the same. 

They looked each other in the eye, no words needed. Jaebeom just nodded. Jinyoung just smiled. 

_Finally._

But Jinyoung still had things he needed to figure out. A hundred of unspoken questions piled up on his throat, in need of an answer. And it was about time to get them all. 

***

After a few minutes in the car, the silence was still hovering over them. The tension was so thick, it could easily be touched, as if it was acting as an invisible safety screen between them. Jinyoung wanted to sigh while trying to put his long list of questions in order, and Jaebeom wished to find the perfect words to start the much needed conversation. He couldn't, though. 

Jaebeom's car was clearly new, but modest, and it was easy for him to go unnoticed driving it. Jinyoung was thankful that there wasn't a lot of traffic and that nobody paid attention to them. The last thing they needed, after all, were tons of reporters trying to figure out why they were together in the evening. 

And it was the perfect scenario, since Jaebeom couldn't fly away from him. 

"So…" he started. He saw, from the corner of the eye, how Jaebeom's hands tightened on the wheel. "What have you been doing these past seven years, hyung?"

Jaebeom coughed, as if he was trying to find his own voice, his eyes fixed on the road. 

_Cute._

"Not much… A lot of work, busy schedules… You know how it is…" he managed to say, his voice lower than normal. 

Jinyoung felt shivers down his spine.

"Yeah, sure…" Jinyoung answer. That wasn't what he wanted to know. He wanted more. "No funny stories to tell? What about friends? Girlfriends?"

He smiled, trying to sound casual. As a friend would sound.

"I hang out from time to time with my friends… And I've had some flings, but no girlfriends… No boyfriends, either…" he added. His voice was low, afraid to say it out loud, but he was trying to give Jinyoung a hint. To make him see through his fear. "And… you?"

Jinyoung looked away. The city lights were stunning. 

He was trembling.

_No boyfriends, either._

Was Jaebeom trying to point something out?

Maybe… just maybe…

"Same for me. Always temporary, no serious relationships… I didn't have the time, and I just couldn't find the right person." He shrugged. "You know why."

The only thing Jaebeom could do was nod slowly. Then, silence again.

What was he supposed to say? Would he be able to express himself correctly? How wrong he had been in the past, and how much he regretted not understanding his feelings before it was too late?

He glanced at Jinyoung, who was still looking through the window. His hair curled on his nape, sneaking onto his clothes. He saw his neckline, his relaxed pose, his hands laying on his lap.

_If only he knew._

"I…" he started, but words seemed to fade from his lips.

"I didn't have the guts to call you after our disbanding," Jinyoung said out of the blue, startling Jaebeom, but still not looking at him. "And I thought that, after what I had told you, you wouldn't want to see me."

"Jinyoung-ssi…" 

It was hard to breathe. Jaebeom licked his lips as he was trying to come up with a perfect response that never came. They had arrived at the building where his apartment was and he stopped the car. He felt overwhelmed as he realized that in those few hours, they seemed to have gotten over the precipice that had separated them for such a long time... Travelling faster than the speed of light. 

It seemed too good to be true. 

Jinyoung was looking at him, waiting for him to complete the sentence. 

Jaebeom gulped. 

He had always thought that actions spoke louder than words. That was what he was about to do. He was going to show Jinyoung his intentions to face the past, and hopefully mend the misunderstanding that had pulled them apart along with his many regrets. 

He was about to open the gates and let Jinyoung enter his sacred place. 

His oasis. 

“Let’s go up...” was the only thing he could whisper while heading for the elevator. 

Jaebeom was shocked at how mundane the situation felt. He thought that having Jinyoung there would give him some kind of revelation. That some kind of divine light would tell him what his next step was.

But that only happened in movies, of course. 

There was no providence.

Nothing. 

Only an uncomfortable silence and an atmosphere so tense it could be cut with a knife. 

Even though this wasn’t the first time they were alone, Jaebeom was overly aware of Jinyoung’s presence. Jaebeom felt as if the elevator was moving in slow motion while the walls were closing in. He could even hear his breathing. 

Or maybe he was really going insane. 

He felt relieved when he heard the sound of the elevator doors opening. As he opened the door to his house, he felt his hand tremble. His insides were buzzing, both excited and scared of what was to come. 

“Wow…” Jinyoung said, seemingly surprised. When he looked at him, Jinyoung was exploring his apartment with his eyes. Why was he surprised? He didn’t consider his apartment anything out of the ordinary. It was comfortable enough for him, a place for him to relax, apart from the boisterous city and his status as a celebrity. His sacred place. “I didn’t expect…”

“What?” Jaebeom asked. He hoped that he didn’t sound rash or something. Even though they had lived together for a while, Jinyoung felt like a stranger there, in his own house, the place he considered to be his most comfortable zone. It became difficult for him to read after so many years. 

It was unsettling.

“Nothing... I…” Jinyoung smiled. “I don’t know… I expected something different from the most popular model of South Korea…” He giggled and Jaebeom’s heart skipped a beat. “A mansion or something.”

“A mansion or something?” Jaebeom chuckled. “Does the Nation’s First Love live in a ‘mansion or something’?” 

“No...” Jinyoung kept looking at him as if he was the funniest thing in the world he had ever seen. “I don’t know what I had expected, but… this feels domestic… it feels like you. Like coming home... Both things at the same time.” Jinyoung looked away as if he was remembering something. _Oh… how he wished he could read his mind at his moment._ “It’s strange that I expected that you had turned into a completely different person…. Weird, right?”

“Yeah…”

Silence fell and Jaebeom felt this buzzing sensation all over his body. On edge. An impulse to move. Taking a step to break the ice. But at the same time he felt frozen.

Jinyoung hit him softly on his shoulder and chuckled. 

He looked so young, it almost made him feel nostalgia. 

“Oh, come on, hyung, don’t be so serious.” 

Jaebeom smiled. 

_Oh, I want to kiss you so bad…_

Jinyoung broke the ice, and Jaebeom couldn't stop the tide of emotions, that impulse to act. Now or never. This was the moment to clear things up and hopefully ease the tension between them. 

“I didn’t have the guts to call you either…” Jaebeom said, and Jinyoung stopped smiling as the tone of the conversation shifted. It was as if the cheerful and younger Jinyoung had faded again. 

_Don’t fuck this up, Jaebeom_. 

“Jaebeom…” Jinyoung took his hand and gave him the courage to continue. “I’m so-”

They hadn’t even moved. They were still in front of the main door, side by side, under the bright light of the lamp. Jaebeom, whose feelings were a complete mess, stopped him in the middle of the sentence. 

“No…” Jaebeom closed his eyes, trying to come up with the right words. He had never imagined that he would have the chance to talk to him ever again. Not even in his dreams. Well, he had never tried to call or meet him again. He had convinced himself that Jinyoung didn’t want to hear from him. But it wasn’t fair that Jinyoung thought that he had caused the situation. Maybe at a certain point in his life he had blamed Jinyoung, but now, he knew that he had been deceiving himself. “Don’t blame yourself, Jinyoung… It isn’t your fault…” Jaebeom sighed. “It was me… Well… At that moment, I didn’t accept myself…” Jaebeom didn’t realize that he was tightening the hold of Jinyoung’s hand. “This is so difficult…”

“It’s okay, Jaebeom hyung,” Jinyoung put his other hand over Jaebeom’s hand and caressed it. Jaebeom felt his courage coming back to him. 

_You can do this, Jaebeom._

“The thing is… I think that, at that time, I couldn’t accept what I felt for you. I was a different person, and of course that doesn’t justify any of that…” Jinyoung stopped caressing his hand. “I didn’t understand what was happening to me and I rejected you. I tried to forget, to lock those feelings away, but I think that didn’t work. I accepted myself, but I didn’t feel complete…"

Too lost in his own discourse, he didn’t notice how Jinyoung’s compassionate eyes were filled with tears nor did he anticipate what was going to happen. Suddenly, Jinyoung interrupted by hugging him.

Jinyoung’s arms holding him. 

It felt right.

“Is it true?” Jinyoung said against his neck, his warm breath caressing his skin. 

“Yes…” Jaebeom moved and Jinyoung looked at him, his eyes glinting with emotion. “Jinyoung, I…” He put his hands on both sides of the other’s face. “I like you. I've always liked you.”

Jinyoung was trembling, feeling completely lost in Jaebeom's words. 

_He liked him. He had always liked him._

"Why didn't you tell me before?" he whispered.

Jinyoung didn’t want Jaebeom to see his face. He was blushing, his face burning like a bonfire. His heart was racing more and more, and he was absolutely sure that Jaebeom could feel it, so he stood still against his body, his face sensing the heat from the other’s skin. 

What were all the questions he had wanted to ask? He couldn’t remember anymore. The only thing he could think of was Jaebeom’s skin, his sweet and fresh smell of cinnamon, and the warmth that emanated from his body. 

“I hadn’t even dreamt of it,” Jaebeom said, his voice a whisper too. “How could I, after letting you down? After failing you?”

“You didn’t fail me. The disbandment was there, behind the door, and you wouldn’t have been able to avoid it. And…” Jinyoung took a deep breath and broke up the embrace. “I thought you hated me.”

“No, I would never hate you.” Jaebeom’s voice was filled with regret, rough and sorry. “But… I didn’t know how to behave around you. I was… I couldn’t understand my feelings, Jinyoung. And when I finally knew, it was already too late.”

Jinyoung looked him in the eye and realised that no, it wasn’t too late. Even after a thousand years, it would never be too late. 

He had always loved Jaebeom. He liked the way he smiled or the way he frowned. He loved him when he was happy, but also when he was worried or thoughtful. He loved him even more when he was lost in his own world, creating the things he loved the most; when he composed songs, sang, danced or modeled. He loved every single part of him, physically and emotionally.

Despite all those years, he still loved him. Just seeing him again had been enough for Jinyoung to realise that he would never be over Jaebeom. It didn’t matter how many lovers he had, or how many people he tried to fall for. What he felt for Jaebeom was the most innocent and purest way of love. 

His first love. His one and only love. 

At that moment, Jinyoung knew that he didn’t want to ask more questions. He didn’t need to. 

“It’s not too late,” he said, his voice low and deep. “You’re telling me now. And that’s enough.”

"It can't…" Jaebeom just looked at him, his eyes full of pain.

It wasn't enough. 

However, Jinyoung's eyes were telling a different story. The way he looked at Jaebeom was soft, calm, his dark eyes strangely emotional and teary. 

His own heart skipped a beat. He was lost in the power of Jinyoung's gaze.

"I wanted to ask you so many questions… But right now, there's only one thing I want to know," Jinyoung said. He caressed Jaebeom's cheek, and Jaebeom almost choked at his sweet touch. "Do you still want to be with me? Because, hyung, I do want to stay here with you. Today, tomorrow... forever."

Jaebeom gasped. 

_Forever…_

Jinyoung had waited for him all that time while he had been avoiding that painful past. But none of that mattered right now. 

He was there. 

In front of him. 

Eyes glinting with hope 

_Actions speak louder than words. I’m going to show you, Jinyoung._

Jaebeom closed the distance between them and put his hands on Jinyoung’s face. He was acting impulsively, but none of that mattered. He had to do this. 

_Do you still want to be with me?_

Jaebeom replied with a kiss. 

_Of course, Jinyoungie._

Jinyoung froze into place, shocked. He felt lost in a dream. The sweetest of dreams. But the warm touch of Jaebeom’s lips over his, anchored back to reality. He really was there. It was finally happening. 

He had to show him. 

Jinyoung moved his lips against Jaebeom’s. 

The world was contained in that kiss. 

They had waited so much for that moment, that neither of them could believe what they were doing. Jaebeom thought of Jinyoung’s touch, glowing under the lights, the skin of his face warm when he reached for his cheek to caress it. 

It had taken him so long to realise that he wanted Jinyoung. Since he was a teenager, he had wanted to be with him this way. 

He wished he had known sooner. 

But it wasn’t too late, right? Jinyoung had said so, and Jaebeom couldn’t help but want to believe it. 

He wanted to believe this could work. 

And he wanted to believe it even more as soon as he felt Jinyoung’s hands tightening on his jacket, his mouth searching for his own with an eagerness that made him shiver. 

Jaebeom felt at heaven and couldn’t avoid giggling. He sensed Jinyoung’s lips curving against his in a mischievous, little smile. 

Oh, Jinyoung was the devil now. And he was the fallen angel who had been trapped by his charms. 

_How ironic._

“However,” Jinyound added, and that made Jaebeom shiver with anticipation. Had Jinyoung changed his mind? He hoped not, because he needed to feel his warmth, to lose into him until he couldn’t breathe anymore. “I won’t go easy on you about work. We’re still rivals… Enemies.”

The last words came as a mere whisper just before Jinyoung captured Jaebeom’s lips once again. This time there was more pasion, more daring. He was taking everything he had always wanted from Jaebeom, and Jaebeom was letting it happen because, as they both knew, it was the right thing to do. It was the way it should always have been. 

It was the way to prove it all. 

***

When Jaebeom opened his eyes, his bedroom was still dark. Just like any other sleepless night. However, at that moment, there was something different. He felt how the mattress dipped beside him and the warmth coming from the body beside him. 

_So it was real._

Jaebeom shifted his position and he smiled softly at the view. It was like a dream. Something impossible. Seoul’s city lights illuminated Jinyoung’s body dressed in Jaebeom’s pajamas. His hair was disheveled and his face was completely relaxed. Just like the angel role he played during the photoshoot. Well, almost. A hickey stained the ethereal skin of his neck. 

His heart was about to burst, completely full of love. 

After he went to the bathroom, he sat again on his bed and checked his phone. There were several unread messages from his friends and colleagues. Bambam probably noticed their flirting and would probably tease him to no end the following day. 

Jaebeom was startled when he felt some movement, and looked at Jinyoung just to see that he was still sleeping. He sighed and unlocked his phone again. He probably should go back to sleep, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to do it. Not after everything that had happened and, above all, knowing that Jinyoung was there. In his bed. 

It was _a lot._

Jaebeom laid down on the bed and put his earphones on, trying to sleep while listening to music. However, he was still hyper aware of the presence of the other, making his heart beat fast. 

Then, an idea came to his mind. A really, really crazy idea, but it could work…

 _Couldn’t it?_

***

> **Jaebeom!!!!!**
> 
> **Thank you for coming live!!! So late!!!!**
> 
> **Chocolate mint ice cream tastes like toothpaste!**
> 
> **Say hi to Brazil!**
> 
> **Will you release new music soon?**

“I haven’t said anything yet…” Jaebeom said and smiled sneakily. “I have been working on a project where I will be able to show a different side of me, and that I think that you’ll enjoy.”

> **A new project?**
> 
> **JAEBEEEOM???**
> 
> **I CAN’T!!!**

His fans sent messages like crazy, making almost impossible for him to scroll. Jaebeom almost had to contain a chuckle in order to avoid disturbing Jinyoung, who was still sleeping. Doing a Vlive after what happened between them could be one of his craziest ideas ever, but it was helping him to be more at ease. It kept him from overthinking too much about their current situation. 

Surely, there was no need to say that he had been thinking a lot. Excessively. 

When he had been just a trainee, and then after when he had just made his debut, people had thought that he was cold not only with Jinyoung, but also with other trainees and later his fans. That had been one of the biggest critiques they had received. They had no chemistry and he had a bad attitude. 

However, there he was: being close with fans and having—somewhat—a nice conversation with them. Well, as close as a celebrity and his fans could be. There were some boundaries that fans couldn’t cross, and he still wanted to keep some things to himself, of course. 

Suddenly, in that storm of messages, a question caught his eye. 

“Jaebeom, where is Jinyoung?” Jaebeom read out loud. Silence fell. He kinda instantly regretted what he had done. Maybe coming live had been a bad idea. However, he couldn’t have stopped himself from doing what he was about to do as soon as he saw his name on that message. He felt a certain warmness. 

He was ready.

_Here._

_He’s finally here._

_We’re finally at home._

A secret he must keep. 

“Jinyoung?” Jaebeom made a funny thoughtful expression that fans would probably use for memes when he would finish the live. “I don’t know… I wonder where he is…” he said in a thoughtful tone. “I haven’t seen him in a while…”

> **Yah, Jaebeom! You liar! I saw your selca!**
> 
> **JJ PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**
> 
> **We miss you together :((((!!!**

Jaebeom chuckled and looked casually towards the place where Jinyoung was, as if he were just wondering about something pretty important. 

His heart almost made a somersault. 

_I wonder where he is..._

Jinyoung was smiling. Fondly.

He couldn’t help but smile in the very same way. 

“I think you’ll find out soon… There’s something coming… So let’s be ready!” he added, right before saying his farewell. 

Everybody was astonished. All of his fans would be making assumptions in no time. Every single social media app would be filled with rumours about the both of them. It would be fun, he thought, as he let his phone lie down on the desk.

But there was something more important, something that made his heart dance in multiple ways in that very moment. 

Jinyoung. He was waving at him, then patting the empty bed beside him.

Jaebeom smiled.

His most fearsome rival was there. But also was his friend. His lover. His future. 

_My first and last… Is finally here._


End file.
